I knew that my hair was going to fall out, because my Oncologist told me so; plus when I read the side effects of all three chemicals being used on me, they each listed hair loss. [Fouorouracil; Epirubicin; and Cyclophosphamide]. I had read about how traumatic it can be when your hair comes out; so I thought I’d be pro-active . . . I planned a Head Shaving party on my birthday [August 10th]. My biggest concern was how my Grandson’s would react to a “bald” grandma . . . so I wanted to have the family over, and make it as festive as possible so they wouldn’t freak out. I prayed that I wouldn’t break down and cry during the shaving. I thought I’d be so upset at loosing my hair . . . but everyone was having so much fun taking turns on my head, I forgot all about being sad or crying. And for one full minute, I even had a full blown Mohawk. At this point, I wasn’t really bald . . . just buzzed on the #1 setting . . . kind of Annie Lennox-ish. And my grandson’s didn’t give it a second thought . . . it was just another summer hairdo to them.
My loving husband, in support of my plight, also shaved his head for my birthday. And later in the day, when my son called to wish me “Happy Birthday” . . . I learned that he and his 2 sons had also shaved their heads in my honor. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so special in my entire life.
My real hair loss actually began a couple of days before my 2nd chemo treatment . . . but nothing alarming . . . a few hairs here and there.
However . . . my metamorphasis was about to take place [Sept. 1st to be exact]. Randy and I had an invitation to a friends home to see their vacation photos [they had gone to England/Ireland for a month] . . . and since I don’t have to contend with hair anymore [1/8” buzz] . . . it takes no time at all to get ready. I got up from a brief nap, allowing only 30 minutes to throw on some clothes and dash out the door.
As I looked in the mirror, I noticed that my scalp looked a little dry . . . I hadn’t put anything on my scalp yet, since I rarely go in the sun. So I grabbed some Water Babies Sunblock 45, warmed it in my hands, and then slathered it all over my scalp, rubbing vigorously until it didn’t appear whitish. When I brought my hands down, to my horror . . . my hands looked like a teddy bear’s hands – totally covered in hair. When I glanced into the mirror . . . I saw bald patches all over my head, but the hair didn’t exactly all come off in my hands . . . there were gobs of hair matted down to my scalp and sprinkled onto my face. First I tried washing my hands, but I couldn’t hardly get the hairy sunblock to come off. Since Randy and I have always been obsessed with never being late . . . I panicked, knowing I didn’t have a lot of time to deal with this – so I grabbed my lint brush and rolled it all over my scalp and face, but this just wasn’t cutting it. I went thru 4 lint brush layers, and I still looked like the werewolf with scurvy. So I jumped back into the shower and scrubbed like crazy with tons of soap and hot water . . . vigorously towel dried my head and this time, I just kept my head dry. I still had to carefully wipe the hair off my face with a damp tissue. I just covered my head with a hat . . . and prayed that a good strong wind would NOT come along.
When I think back, I can’t figure out why I was more worried about being late, than having all my hair fall out . . . I was prepared for the hair loss, mentally and emotionally better than I thought I would be . . . I just didn’t know it was going to go like . . . BAM!
I seemed to fall into a set pattern with my chemo regimen. I went in every 3 weeks for my chemo treatments. While I got my chemo injections, the Oncology pharmacist always dispensed 4 different anti-nausea pills to last me for 3 days. For the next 3 days, I never actually vomited, but I was extremely nauseated the entire time. I consumed only clear broth and dry toast during this period and pretty much lived from hour to hour. When I stopped taking the anti-nausea medicine I experienced 2 days of clenched jaws and uncontrollable trembling throughout my body. I think it might have been caused from coming off the steroids in the anti-nausea medicines. About 10 days after my chemo, I’d return to the Oncology department to have my blood tested. My white cells always bottomed out, so I started getting Nupregin shots to help elevate them. At this point, I was so weak and tired, I could barely make it to the doctor’s office – and the doctors & nurses always encouraged me to return home and stay away from everyone for 3-5 days. I started feeling half-way normal about the time for my next chemo. I had 6 chemo treatments total and each one left me weaker and sicker than the previous one. During the end of my final treatment I even started growing some weird bacteria culture in my mouth . . . which was very icky.
Previously whenever I thought about chemo patients, I always envisioned emaciated looking people wasting away to skin and bones. So after my first chemo session, you can imagine my surprise to discover my appetite was pretty healthy. In fact I had an insatiable hunger for steak with a baked potato covered in tons of sour cream and butter. So for a solid week, that’s all I ate every day. Soon after my steak-eating week my taste buds started giving me a little trouble - first with my vegetable intake . . . for some reason salads took on a metallic-like flavor. Soon after that, there were more and more things I just couldn’t even stand to smell or look at. Eventually poor Randy couldn’t even cook in the house, just the smell of food made me so sick I’d almost want to faint. He used to make runs to Marie Calendar’s and get their roasted turkey dinner for us to share. I could eat the dry turkey breast, as long as I didn’t have to smell it cooking. By the end of my chemo treatments, about the only thing my stomach could tolerate was dry pancakes. I lost a little weight over this period, but nothing like I feared.
About 2 months after my last chemo treatment, and when I had regained my strength again - I underwent breast reconstruction surgery. This again was an area I knew nothing about, but with the help and guidance of the Plastic Surgeon, Dr. Stephanie Feldman, I decided on using an expander implant. She made a little pocket in my chest muscles and slid in the deflated expander implants. I went back several times every 3 weeks or so, where she would gradually inflated my implants with saline . . . and slowly stretched out my chest muscles. This was a gradual process and way less painful than if I had used large silicon implants in one step.
I remember making the decision to have reconstructive surgery more for my husband than for me. Just in case I made it thru my cancer experience, I wanted to look as attractive as I could for him. I thought I had been weathering my storm well, accepting my circumstances without much fuss . . . but when I sat there in my Plastic Surgeon’s office, and looked down to watch my flat, scarred, ugly chest begin to take that old familiar shape again – I cupped my hands over my new chest bumps and just broke down and cried. It was definitely a poignant moment for me; for once again I felt feminine. It was an emotionally healing experience . . . and an added bonus - that I get to feel like a woman again.
I felt a little uneasy about my family history with breast cancer. It just seemed like there were way too many coincidences for this to just happen out of the blue. Since I was already diagnosed with cancer, and I figured it probably wouldn’t make any difference with my health insurance at this point . . . I decided to go forward with genetic testing and see if I had the Breast Cancer Gene. I contacted the Genetics department at Kaiser, and made an appointment to see a Genetics Counselor/ Doctor in Panorama City the day before my Lymph Node surgery. I had to provide a lengthy family history, with a lot of specifics . . . and finally the doctor drew some viles of my blood. This was sent to a lab for analysis, and the results wouldn’t be ready for 4-6 weeks.
I received a call from Dr. Bass’ office, letting me know that the results were in, and I needed to come back to see him for an appointment to get my results. I thought it rather silly at the time, that they couldn’t just tell me over the phone . . . but when I sat in the doctor’s office and he read the report to me, I saw the value in his “one-on-one” meeting. My report did verify that “YES” I do have the BRCA2 breast cancer gene. He patiently & gently explained how having the gene doesn’t mean that I was going to definitely get breast cancer, but for my age [53], this gene meant that I had an 85% chance of getting breast cancer and an elevated chance of also getting ovarian cancer. I was overcome with mixed emotions and finally just broke down and cried. The implications for my sisters, my children, and my grandchildren saddened me. Knowing ahead of time some of the health problems that most likely they’ll be faced with, was not a comforting thought.
I notified my sisters immediately and sent them copies of my reports along with the family history, for their records. If they had their own gene testing done - this would help the lab know precisely what to look for. Both of my younger sisters tested positive for the BRCA2 gene.
Jacky [49 - 4 years younger than me] was actually diagnosed with breast cancer about a year behind me. She went thru her surgeries [bilateral mastectomy], chemo and radiation. She enjoyed a relatively healthy recovery, until just recently. I received a phone call about 2 weeks ago . . . her cancer has metasticized into her lungs, bones, cervix and 3 other places. She immediately started taking oral chemo and seems in good spirits as she faces this battle once again.
Judy [40 - 13 years younger than me] had the BRCA2 gene as well. At this point in her life, with twin sons only about 7 years old, she decided to be proactive and try to stop her chances of getting cancer, to the best of her ability. She did a lot of research, and networked with other support groups for people with the BRCA2 gene . . . and eventually scheduled surgeries with 3 different physicians [Surgeon, Plastic Surgeon & Gynocologist] to remove her breast tissue, perform reconstructive surgery and perform a hysterectomy . . . all in one operation. It was a grueling ordeal she went thru, but now her chances of contracting breast cancer or ovarian cancer are almost 0%. She can now concentrate on raising her children without the fear of cancer hovering over her. Several articles were written about her journey around breast cancer in “Science” magazine [October 2003 issue], and several local newspapers. She is truly a courageous lady, and not afraid to make those tough decisions . . . especially when her future with her family was at stake.
My daughter finally went in for Gene testing shortly after the birth of her daughter. And, Yes, she also tested positive. Of course we both cried, when we received the sad news. I don’t think the possibility of her actually having the gene was any big deal for her until she had her own daughter. As a parent, we all of a sudden start looking a little more seriously about everything in our lives. She’s been encouraged by Judy’s positive outcome, and she has been doing her own research and networking. Technology & medical treatments change so quickly now days . . . she has options open to her, that Judy and I never even heard of when we were going thru our surgeries. I plan to stand beside her with whatever decision she makes in the future. And hopefully we’ll both be around for a long time to enjoy her daughter . . . my youngest little “angel”. In 2014 she had her breasts removed and reconstructive surgery with cadaver tissues and has had great results. As it turned out, she used the same doctor as Angelina Jolie.
An interesting fact I discovered thru my many years at the Wellness Community cancer support group, and networking with many breast cancer survivors – is that this BRCA2 gene is linked to the Ashkenazi Jews. So probably somewhere in my geneology, there was a little Jewish lady from the Ashkenazi region of Europe. I’ve been working on my Family Tree this past year, so this little bit of information adds a new and different twist to the other fascinating family information I’ve recently discovered.
Shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer, a friend of mine, Jeanne Hyatt, mentioned that she had heard about a cancer support group in Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village area called “The Wellness Community” and that it was free. I had already begun attending the American Breast Cancer meetings on Thursdays, but I thought I’d check it out anyway – what could I loose. Ever since I was first diagnosed with cancer, my loving husband never let me go anywhere without him in tow . . . so we both drove on over to the Wellness meeting to check it out.
It turned out to be a real blessing . . . not only for me, but for my husband as well. After attending these support group meetings for a couple of months . . . the Wellness Community counselors were asking for volunteers to be photographed for an upcoming advertising campaign for a free conference for cancer survivors and their families called “Journey to Wellness.” Randy and I didn’t have anything planned on the designated Saturday photoshoot day . . . so we volunteered. We showed up at the “Gardens of the World” in Thousand Oaks, and the photographer began photographing us. I had worn my wig and a little hat, because at this stage of my treatment – I was totally bald. I affectionately referred to my hairstyle as my “baldi-lox” do. Anyway, since I had been a graphic artist most of my life, and dealt with advertising a lot . . . I told the photographer that if she wanted, I’d take off my wig for the photo session. “I know you’re going to use these photos to help support and promote the Wellness Community, so it might help if I looked more cancer-ish.” She agreed – so off came my wig. The photos came out better than I could have imagined and Randy and I are still surprised to see our little faces sprinkled on different Wellness Community literature. When we attended the “Journey to Wellness” conference in downtown Los Angeles a few months later, we were shocked to see our portrait at the entrance – it was about 30” x 40” and framed beautifully. We felt like celebrities . . . for a couple of hours, anyway.
I also had to fill out a little questionnaire to accompany my photos :
1) Who am I? My name is Janice Perez. I am a wife, mother, and proud grandparent to 7 little angels. I’ve been fortunate enough to be a Graphic Artist, and have been most of my life. My greatest love is being creative and sharing time with family. My closest friend, constant companion and my loving husband is Randy Perez. His devotion to me was never more apparent then when the instant my hair started to drop, he joined me in a “head-shaving” party with our family, and turned my traumatic experience into a festive family celebration.
2) What I’ve learned from having cancer. I was diagnosed with breast Cancer in May 2003. At the time, all I heard was the word “Cancer” . . . and I thought, “Oh my God, I’m going to die!” After researching the Internet, reading numerous books, networking with other Cancer Survivors, and attending Cancer support groups [i.e. The Wellness Community, American Breast Cancer Assoc.] I discovered that this was not necessarily a death sentence . . . and there are many types of cancer, many types of treatments and the survival rates looked good . . . and for the first time my fears were set aside; I became hopeful, and eager to begin my treatments [which included surgery and chemo therapy].
Since I’ve been diagnosed with Cancer, my whole life has changed. I’ve been forced into a kind of “time-out”, and I am relearning some old lessons in life . . . like patience, trust and faith. I’m so use to being in control and so very busy, that I find it difficult at times to “be still.” But this is where God has placed me for now. “Great souls are grown through struggles and storms and seasons of suffering.” [The Purpose Driven Life] My faith in God has given me the strength and courage to patiently weather my storm.
3) How has participating at The Wellness Community helped me? The Wellness Center has been an amazing experience for my husband and I. a) It provides a safe place for us to express our fears; b) receive encouragement/support thru difficult times by our peers; c) learn tips on how to deal with side effects, or pain management; d) learn first hand about new techniques or medicines being used; e) suggestions on dealing with well-meaning friends/family members; f) Yoga lessons geared to Cancer survivors, and special presentations offered by professionals on diet, exercise, pain management, looking good during treatments, etc. The biggest asset, and most important in my heart is . . . it was the only place I found where my husband, and family members could get support too. Dealing with Cancer, after all, is a family matter. My husband has less fear and stress now; and when we leave our Wellness meetings, we both feel enlightened and encouraged, and grateful for all our blessings.
The first time I walked into my Wellness Community support meeting, I must admit I was a little leery about meeting with men & women who had all kinds of Cancer. Since I had been diagnosed with breast cancer, I didn’t see how relevant my situation would be with some man with whatever cancer he had . . . and I thought it would be awkward. Well, by the end of my first meeting, I could see how we were all like sisters and brothers fighting the same battle. When the barriers drop in the privacy of our meeting, there doesn’t seem to be that many differences . . . we’re bonded instantly by the simple fact: that we’re fighting a potentially life-threatening disease . . . and finding encouragement and strength in embracing oneanother’s lives.
During my 6 months of breast cancer treatment I received a lot of support not only from my family, but friends, co-workers, and our bible-study group. My faith had really never faltered, although I hadn’t exactly been thrilled with this breast cancer test. My spirits were often lifted and encourage by the many inspirational messages in cards and e-mails; and the thoughtful gifts I received from caring friends. Some of our friends made and brought over dinners for us, and sometimes I’d even be treated to a foot message and pedicure, or a beautiful bouquet of flowers. My daughter, Julie, and my sister, Lynn, came over several times during my recovery and prayed, read scripture and fellowshipped with me. Our dear friends Dell & Helen also came over often to pray and fellowship, as well. Our sons, Chris and Pete came over often and brought the grandkids for visits - which really warmed my heart. And even though I wasn’t well enough to do much more than just sit and watch them play . . . it was good medicine for me emotionally. My daughter, Danielle, often accompanied me on my walks around the block when I felt up to it - and she; along with my sweet husband, Randy, were my constant companions to every doctor & chemo visit.
My husband and I both look back at everything we went thru and marvel at what we peacefully faced together. Randy, who faints at the mere sight of blood and becomes nauseated when just looking at body scars, was expertly milking my drain tubes and changing my bandages daily thru 3 different surgeries. Somehow God gave him the courage and strength to face his fears and weaknesses. For my 6 months of treatment and convalescence, my sweet husband drove me to all my many hospital/doctor visits and cancer support meetings, helped bathe me and style my hair [when I had it], paid all the bills, cooked all the meals, cleaned the house and kept the yard up . . . and never failed to let me know every day how much he loved me. For me to surrender so completely to my husband, on this level, was something I never imagined I’d be capable of. But thru the grace of God, I embraced my new position . . . and never felt so loved in my life.
I think we never know that God is all we need until God is all we’ve got. For me to experience the extreme helplessness of my situation was a big lesson in my life. I leaned on my faith in God to patiently carry me thru this trial.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.” Prov. 3:5-6.